New Year, A New You: 4 Love Resolutions for the New School Year

It’s a new school year, which means, in all its cheesy glory, a brand spanking new you! You may not realize it yet, but those summer months of internships, relaxation, and sun have matured us all—it’s better to blame it on the tan than the actual fact that we’re growing up, we’re big girls now. That being said, we’re saying goodbye to the days of promising ourselves we’ll find a boyfriend while stuffing our faces with Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream on the couch. This year, collegiettes’ love resolutions will be about confidence, self-respect, and everything else that will rock everyone’s world… starting with our own. We’ve complied a list of four love resolutions (and tips for putting them into action) that will make this school year the best one yet.

Love Resolution #1: I Will Confront My Crush

“I think my new semester's love resolution is to finally have a conversation with this guy I've been crushing on. We met at a party, he seemed super into me and even asked for my number, but I get very nervous whenever I see him!” – Kelsey, Boston University ’14

So you’ve been crushing on this guy for, I don’t know, ever. Well, this year, it’s time to take some action. If he hasn’t made a move yet, then it’s your time to step up to the plate—the ball’s in your court.

I know, easier said than done. However, in the grand scheme of life, what do you have to lose? You’re not dating, so you can’t break up. If you’re friends, confronting him won’t completely and totally ruin your friendship, assuming you let yourself move on. If you’re acquaintances, then you could end up as friends—and almost every great relationship starts off with that as a solid foundation.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a Professor of Psychology at California State University and a relationship expert who’s been featured as one of Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers, adds that pining after someone for so long can get pretty tiring—this year, it’s time to rip the Band-aid off with one quick pull. “As I see it, you may as well get in there, be yourself and see what happens,” Durvasula says. “Waiting is not likely to create change, and in the interim, someone else may snatch him up.”

The absolute worst thing that can happen is he says no. But if that’s the case, then he clearly wasn’t good enough for you. After a well-deserved trip to your fave froyo joint and a Sex and the City marathon, you’ll be as good as new—and you’ll eventually have a story to laugh about with your girlfriends (not to mention a completely valid reason to seek revenge… totally kidding. Maybe.).

“But keep in mind, even if he says no—you are still you. It isn’t an indictment of you. Think of the guys you have said no to—it wasn’t personal, it just wasn’t a fit,” Durvasula says.

How To Do It?
Like I said before, it’s a whole lot easier to imagine a perfect situation where you approach that Campus Cutie in your chemistry lab, ask him out, and then you ride off into the sunset together living happily ever after. But let’s get real—college isn’t exactly the set of a Disney movie (although I’m sure more than a few of us have lost a shoe after a night out… or before the clock struck midnight).

So just how exactly do you go about creating your 21st century, fairytale-esque, I-just-hope-I-don’t-have-anything-in-my-teeth dreams a reality? While there are no foolproof scenarios you can concoct, there are ways to talk to that special guy without desperately wanting to crawl under your bed and hide forever.

Durvasula recommends approaching him wherever and whenever you feel most comfortable.

“If you are at the same party, wonderful, a perfect place to approach. Time it right, catch his smile across the room, or comment on something he is looking at or wearing. At the end of the day, the more times you take the initiative, the bolder you will get, and the boldness will ultimately get you to the right match for you.”

Scenario:
If you see him out, go up and talk to him! Parties are all about mixing and mingling, so it’s nothing out of the ordinary to start chatting him up. With a little liquid courage if you’re of age (and I mean a little—we’re not trying to channel Cady Heron by throwing up on Aaron Samuels), be that confident collegiette that you know you are deep down inside. If you’re nervous at first, ask your friends to come with you, letting them know that once conversation is flowing, they can subtly and slyly walk away. So, what are good conversation starters? Anything from class, to summer, to Greek life, to the breed of his dog—anything you’re interested in! A pretty good go-to is, ‘Hey, how are you? I haven’t seen you around in a while, what’s new?’ But what if you guys haven’t really formally met? Well, if you have mutual friends, ask them to casually introduce you two. I’m also a supporter of not-so-accidentally bumping into them. From there, you can apologize for your clumsy (but not alcohol-induced) trip and strike up a conversation. But just remember, this is the 21st century, there’s no need to wait for him to ask you for your number. Be confident and cute, and ask him for his digits! You’d be surprised how sexy confidence can be.

Just remember collegiettes, however you decide to approach him (a.k.a lure him in), be direct! Psychotherapist Mary Waldon, LCSW says, “Ask for a date. Call it a date. No need to go on and on about your feelings and the history. Just say you like him and ask for a date.” Let’s be honest, you have about five minutes (read: seconds) before his mind wanders off to ESPN, sex, or just the sound of crickets chirping. Catch his attention while you can!